Twelve Reasons Why
by Margo'sShed
Summary: This story carries on from the Casualty Christmas episode aired on December 13th. It follows Max on his quest for a Christmas spent with Zoe. 12 days of Christmas, 12 reasons why.
1. Chapter 1

****12 Days of Christmas****  
><strong>"Three double whisky's, no ice."<strong>  
><strong>Max leant against the bar, his body hunched over, his elbows pressed hard against the slick warm wood. <strong>  
><strong>He chewed at the flesh of his bottom lip whilst the barman measured whisky from the optic that hung above them. Christmas karaoke blared, voices murmured lyrics they were unsure of and the CD squealed noisily as it turned.<strong>  
><strong>"Thanks..."<strong>  
><strong>He murmured, taking the glass, raising it to his lips and sipping it. It was warm and the kick at the back of his throat when he swallowed made him wince.<strong>  
><strong>"Wrong perfume after all, was it?"<strong>  
><strong>Cal asked, leaning in behind him and gesturing to the barman with a twenty pound note.<strong>  
><strong>"Fuck off..."<strong>  
><strong>He huffed with a roll of his eyes, still the twitch of good humour at his lips as Cal nudged him with his elbow.<strong>  
><strong>"Not worth it mate. Plenty of other fish..."<strong>  
><strong>He handed over the money to the barman and snatched up his drink, taking a large gulp of foamy lager.<strong>  
><strong>"Oh, she's worth it."<strong>  
><strong>Max said quietly, taking another sip of whiskey, screwing his eyes shut as he swallowed.<strong>  
><strong>"Besides."<strong>  
><strong>He coughed as he spoke.<strong>  
><strong>"Why settle for the fish when you could have the mermaid?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked with a shrug of his shoulders. Cal raised an eyebrow over his pint glass.<strong>  
><strong>"What?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked, glass part way to his mouth.<strong>  
><strong>"Never mind..."<strong>  
><strong>Max whispered, a quick smile at his lips and he dipped his head again, slouching further over the bar, drink in hand, watching as the copper coloured liquid caught the light and sparkled against it's glass confines. <strong>  
><strong>He felt Cal move from his side, and he was alone again. He tilted the glass back and forth between his thumb and forefinger, watching the liquid tilt and turn and lilt and roll, almost, but never quite spilling over the edge.<strong>  
><strong>He drew in a long, exhausted breath and exhaled through parted lips and as he breathed the song changed to a fast paced '<strong>**_On the first day of Christmas...' _****He took another, larger gulp of his drink, trying to blot out the tuneless singing of whomever was at the microphone behind him. **  
><strong>The twelve days of Christmas. He pondered today's date, thirteen days until Christmas day. He tugged at the collar of his jacket so that it curled about his jaw, his body still cold from his walk to the docks.<strong>  
><strong>Thirteen days. He rolled the thought over within his mind, the prospect of spending Christmas alone, the thought of the days, and the days after them, ongoing, seemingly forever with this overwhelming sense of loss within himself. An all consuming grief for the woman who was never quite his.<strong>  
><strong>It would be twelve days until Christmas day tomorrow. He raised his glass to the light, squinting at it before taking another sip, and from that thought began to grow the tiny bloom of an idea.<strong>  
><strong><strong><em>I'm not usually one for writing something which carries on from the actual programme. But last night's episode of Casualty, and the fact that we won't be treated to a Christmas special, and will have to wait three weeks until it is next on, prompted me to write my own Casualty Christmas special... <em>****  
><strong><strong><em>I hope you enjoy it. Reviews and comments very much welcomed and appreciated x<em>****


	2. Chapter 2

**The wind howled and buffeted against the doors to the emergency department, they opened and shut quickly, repeatedly, the wind teasing them so that Max had to pause outside whilst someone on the other side of the door flicked a switch to turn them off.**  
><strong>He pushed his hands deeper into his pockets, it was cold, the wind whispered about his collar and made him shiver, the hairs standing up at the back of his neck and he tugged his coat tighter about him, his fingers toying with the loose change he found in the bottom of his trouser pockets.<strong>  
><strong>The mechanic on the other side of the doors pushed one open and gestured to him to enter. He made to move, but the sharp clack of heels behind him made him turn. <strong>  
><strong>Zoe had her arms about herself, her head bowed against the wind and spit of rain, her eyes half-closed and her hair billowing and pulling flat against her face. She glanced up as she stepped up onto the curb outside of the entrance, an ever so slight pause in her step as she caught sight of him. <strong>  
><strong>She dipped her head again as she passed him by, all to aware that he had to follow her into the warmth of the hospital.<strong>  
><strong>Once inside the roar of the wind was lessened and he cleared his throat, catching her attention.<strong>  
><strong>"You got home ok then."<strong>  
><strong>She said, more of a statement than a question. He rocked back on the heels of his shoes and glanced to her feet, her tights were mud spattered up to her shins. She followed his gaze, hissing something under her breath as she caught sight of them.<strong>  
><strong>"Yeah...listen..."<strong>  
><strong>He said quickly before she had time to move on.<strong>  
><strong>"About last night..."<strong>  
><strong>He raised a hand to scratch at the side of his head and the mechanic glanced at them with interest as he held the door open for someone else who scuttled passed in a flurry of scarves and umbrella.<strong>  
><strong>"You don't need to say anything."<strong>  
><strong>She exhaled as she spoke, her cheeks were flushed from the cold and her hair was whipped over one side of her head, her hands failing to smooth it back down.<strong>  
><strong>"No, I do. I just wanted you to know-"<strong>  
><strong>"Max..."<strong>  
><strong>She cut him off, she tilted her head to one side and her body shivered within her clothes. The doors were pulled open once again and someone was pushed through in a wheelchair, Zoe stepped forward, closer to him, moving out of the way, but still the wheelchair clipped her calves, the metal spokes pricking her tights and pulling them so that they ripped in two places across her legs.<strong>  
><strong>She swore again under her breath and held up her hands in disbelief.<strong>  
><strong>"Have you got another pair?"<strong>  
><strong>He found himself asking, smiling despite himself at how dishevelled she looked standing before him.<strong>  
><strong>"No! Of course I haven't got another pair!"<strong>  
><strong>She snapped, huffing a breath and struggling again to push a hand through her hair.<strong>  
><strong>"Do you want me to..."<strong>  
><strong>She cut him off again with the wave of a hand.<strong>  
><strong>"No, Max. I don't want you to do anything. Ok? We are friends. Just friends, that's all."<strong>  
><strong>She inhaled sharply, the cool air making it somewhat harder to breath. She paused, just long enough to catch her breath, her eyes on him, searching him for a response.<strong>  
><strong>He bit his lip and lowered his gaze again to her legs, watching as they stepped back from him. He heard her sigh once again, and with that she left, her threadbare tights moving out of sight.<strong>  
><strong>He raised his gaze, watching her go, his stomach making an uncharacteristic lurch in time with his heart and he pushed his hands back into his pockets, fingering the coins, counting them by feel and making his way to the hospital shop.<strong>  
><strong>*-*<strong>  
><strong>"Tights."<strong>  
><strong>He said, leaning across the counter to where Honey sat. She lowered her magazine and raised an eyebrow at him.<strong>  
><strong>"Pardon?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, chewing gum, her jaw rotating with the startling likeness to a camel chewing grass.<strong>  
><strong>"Tights. I need tights."<strong>  
><strong>He repeated. She frowned.<strong>  
><strong>"Are you sure?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, placing her magazine back down on the counter in front of her and leaning closer to peer at him curiously. He mirrored her, leaning closer.<strong>  
><strong>"Yes."<strong>  
><strong>He whispered.<strong>  
><strong>"Do you sell them?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked slowly.<strong>  
><strong>She sucked in a long thoughtful breath before responding.<strong>  
><strong>"What <strong>**_sort _****of tights?"**  
><strong>She asked, narrowing her eyes at him. He puffed out his chest, momentarily holding his breath as he thought.<strong>  
><strong>"I didn't know there were different sorts of tights."<strong>  
><strong>He admitted, exhaling.<strong>  
><strong>She rolled her dark eyes theatrically.<strong>  
><strong>"There's different colours, black, grey, skin colour, brown...different thickness's, 60, 30...15..."<strong>  
><strong>"O-ok!"<strong>  
><strong>He scratched the top of his head and collapsed back onto the counter before her.<strong>  
><strong>"You're a <strong>**_knowing _****sort of person...I need the sort of tights that Dr Hanna wears."**  
><strong>He said, his hand before his mouth, muffling his words.<strong>  
><strong>She smiled slightly and nodded her head.<strong>  
><strong>"No need to say any more!"<strong>  
><strong>She exclaimed, wafting a hand with a flourish and marching with purpose over to the opposite side of the small shop, returning with a blue cardboard package.<strong>  
><strong>"There you go."<strong>  
><strong>She said, presenting them to him. He looked down at them within her hand.<strong>  
><strong>"Could I have a bag...please?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked, unsure he wanted to be spotted with them.<strong>  
><strong>She smiled again and popped them into a plastic carrier bag.<strong>  
><strong>"That's...£7.99 please."<strong>  
><strong>She said, offering out her hand again, showing him her palm. He arched an eyebrow at the price, fishing out the coins within his pocket and counting them out quickly into her hand.<strong>  
><strong>"Ta."<strong>  
><strong>She said, dropping the coins loudly into their various compartments in the till.<strong>  
><strong>"Thanks."<strong>  
><strong>He said, rolling the bag and tucking it underneath one arm so that he could push his hands into his pockets again.<strong>  
><strong>"Good luck!"<strong>  
><strong>She called, slipping back down into her seat behind the desk and picking up her magazine again.<strong>  
><strong>"You'll need it..."<strong>

****More soon! Please let me know if you'd like me to continue with the idea. Thank you for all of the lovely comments received so far! xxx****


	3. Chapter 3

**"Have you seen Dr Hanna?"**

**Max asked, leaning against reception, his voice low, the package tucked neatly under one arm.**

**Louise looked up from her computer screen.**

**"Why?"**

**She asked with a quirk of her eyebrow. **

**"Just asking..."**

**He paused, feigning innocence.**

**"She asked me to pick something up for her."**

**He added, gesturing to the bag that he held.**

**Louise sucked in a sigh as though the weight of the world rested upon her shoulders.**

**"Toilets. E-cigarette break."**

**She said with a loaded exhale, her lips pursed as she turned back to her screen.**

**"Thanks...thank you."**

**Max murmured, feeling the wince of apprehension in the pit of his stomach.**

**He moved away from the desk, briefly tapping his fingers against it before passing through the double doors, and along the corridor a few metres to the staff toilets. He paused outside, waiting for a break in the passing traffic of patients before leaning down on the handle of the toilet firmly marked 'WOMENS'. **

**The door was heavy and he pushed back against it, slipping inside unnoticed by any passers by. The air in here smelled of lavender, and he thought momentarily how much nicer it smelled than the men's toilets.**

**There were only two stalls, one empty, one engaged. He took the bag from under his arm and pulled the tights from it, prizing the little white plastic hook at one end so that it stood up before reaching up himself, leaning against the closed door and tipping them over, hanging them on the top of the door by the hook before backing away.**

**"Thought you might need these."**

**He murmured, leaning back against the sink. He heard the soft muffled sound of clothes being readjusted and saw the little hook that was still visible pull and bend before breaking free and the lock on the door slid back with a grate, the door swinging back on it's hinges.**

**"Connie!"**

**He exhaled, eyes wide as she stood, framed in the cubicle, head cocked sharply to one side, eyebrows raised in question as she held the tights with one hand.**

**"Mrs Beauchamp."**

**She corrected, her voice low.**

**"Mrs...Beauch...sorry."**

**He coughed as he spoke and his cheeks began to warm as he felt himself flush. **

**"Fuck."**

**He hissed almost silently.**

**"And why did you think that I would need these?"**

**She asked, gesturing again with the package. He raised a hand to his forehead and rubbed hard at his hairline, unsure of quite what to say.**

**"I thought you were uh..."**

**The door pushed open again and Zoe stopped abruptly in the doorway, electronic cigarette in one hand, her lips parted.**

**"Zoe!"**

**He exhaled with relief, running a hand to the back of his neck.**

**"Am I...interrupting something?"**

**She asked, her dark eyes swivelling slowly from Max to Connie and back to Max again.**

**"Certainly not."**

**Connie spat, tossing the packet of tights into the sink next to where Max stood and made her way over to the wash basin in the far corner.**

**"Max? What are you doing in here?"**

**Zoe asked, her voice low, all to aware that Connie was listening, despite her back to them.**

**He picked up the packet from the bowl of the sink, they dripped with water and soap scum.**

**"I got you these."**

**He said with a shrug, offering them to her. She looked down at them, still a look of utter confusion within her eyes.**

**"Why?!"**

**She asked, her voice barely a whisper.**

**He glanced down to her legs as if to prove a point, but found when he looked that she had changed into a black pair.**

**"I thought you didn't have a spare pair."**

**He whispered, biting his lip. She drew in a breath and released it slowly, folding her arms across her chest, watching as Connie finished washing her hands and dried them on a sheet of green towelling.**

**"Dylan went out and bought me some."**

**She said quietly, watching as Max nodded slowly.**

**"Right..."**

**He murmured, looking again to the dripping cardboard package that he held.**

**"Listen, Max. I don't need you to look after me."**

**She lowered her voice even further, although she knew full well that Connie must be able to hear, though she kept her face expressionless whilst she dawdled at the sink.**

**"Just friends, ok?"**

**She whispered, lowering her head, trying to catch his eye as he struggled to look anywhere but back at her.**

**"Just friends..."**

**He smiled as he spoke and he turned the packet about in his hands twice before tossing them back into the bowl of the sink.**

**"Right."**

**He whispered.**

****More soon! Thank you for the lovely comments, they are always welcome! xxx****


	4. Chapter 4

**Zoe exited the hospital, her eyes set firmly on the figure of Max before her. He leant against the side of the hospital, face raised to the winter sunshine above, his lips blowing streamers of cigarette smoke into the wind.**

**She stopped in front of him and held out her hand.**

**"What's this?"**

**She asked, holding out a roll of sweets.**

**He lowered his gaze, squinting one eye against the glare of the sun.**

**"It's a packet of Love Hearts."**

**He said, raising his arm to take another draw on the cigarette.**

**"I ****_know _****that!"**

**She exclaimed with a roll of her eyes and she folded her arms tightly about her waist, the love hearts in the crook of her arm.**

**"Did you leave them on my chair?"**

**She asked. Her hair shone in the sunlight, her eyes coal black in the shadow of the building.**

**"No."**

**He said simply, and he saw her face expression falter as he took another suck on the cigarette and exhaled slowly, breathing the smoke so that it billowed into her face. She wafted a hand half-heartedly. Was that disappointment within her frown?**

**"I put them on your desk, they must have rolled off."**

**He said quietly, dropping the butt of his cigarette to the ground. He stepped on it with the heel of his shoe and left it to smoulder on the cement, the tip of it glowing a brilliant orange before burning itself out in a puff of grey smoke.**

**Zoe inhaled slowly through her nose, not quite sure how to respond.**

**"Why would you do that?"**

**She asked eventually and he rolled his eyes, crossing his arms, mirroring her pose.**

**"Am I not allowed to give gifts at Christmas time to my work colleagues?"**

**He asked, exhaling the last of the smoke whilst he spoke.**

**"Don't tell me you don't slip Mrs Beauchamp a little something across the desks?"**

**He added, biting his lip against a smile.**

**"Perhaps. But I wont be slipping her Love Hearts!"**

**Zoe exclaimed with frustration.**

**"The mind boggles..."**

**Max grinned and she averted her gaze, irritated by the twitch of a smile that threatened her lips.**

**"That's not what I meant."**

**She whispered.**

**"Listen..."**

**She cleared her throat and raised her eyes to the sky, watching as a plane soared silently overhead.**

**"When I said that we should just be friends..."**

**"Is this the bit where you say that you made a terrible mistake and that I was right all along, we are meant to be together...?"**

**He asked, cutting her off, tilting his head to one side and watching her sigh.**

**"No."**

**She whispered.**

**"Thought not."**

**He breathed and kicked the heel of his shoe against the ground.**

**"Max..."**

**She reached out to him, taking him by surprise, but no sooner had she done it than she had retracted her hand, suddenly aware of what she was doing.**

**"You have to understand that this isn't easy for me? I have to put the hospital first..."**

**"And your own personal satisfaction second?"**

**He asked, interrupting her again.**

**"What?"**

**She asked, frowning.**

**"Nothing..."**

**He whispered, shaking his head, smiling again as he looked away, looked to the people that milled about in the car park.**

**"I can't cope with the rumours Max, with people pointing and talking about me behind my back. I just want to do my job, OK?"**

**She lowered her voice as Dr Ashford walked by, his head bowed into the wind, and Max couldn't help but realise how much his head looked like a bowling ball, glinting in the sunshine and he remembered when he and Zoe used to laugh together over similar observations.**

**"So just to clarify? This has nothing to do with me as a person...more to do with me as a porter?"**

**He asked, gesturing with his hand as he spoke. Zoe pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, looking at him , silently pleading with him not to ask.**

**She exhaled.**

**"No, no...that's fine."**

**He raised a hand and inspected the fingernail on his index finger. **

**Zoe stepped back off the curb slowly and began to turn away from him.**

**"Number three."**

**He said suddenly, and she glanced back, frowning against the sunlight.**

**"What?"**

**She asked.**

**"I quit."**

**He said.**

****More soon! xxx****


	5. Chapter 5

"Zoe Hanna?"

A delivery man stood in the doorway to the office. Zoe let her head fall into her hand.

"Another one?!"

She asked, standing reluctantly and moving to take the long stemmed red rose from the florists delivery man whom she had seen a grand total of twelve times that day.

"Last one."

He said, smiling despite the day he had had, running back and forth every hour of Zoe's twelve hour day to deliver a single red rose every hour.

"Thank God..."

She murmured, but tilted the rose to her lips none the less, smelling the sweetness of it, feeling the softness of the petals against her skin.

"Thank you."

She added, nodding her thanks to the delivery man who tipped his cap to her and left the office, closing the door behind him.

She moved and sat back down at her desk, regarding the rose that she held, and the eleven others that she had standing in water in a water jug to the left of her laptop.

She drew in a deep breath. She could smell them still. They smelled of summer.

"Max..."

She whispered his name despite his absence.

The door opened, Dylan stood within it's frame, his body silhouetted by the ward beyond.

"Don't you ever knock?!"

She raised her eyes to him, a frown creasing her forehead. He looked from her to the roses, to the single rose that lay across her desk.

"Christ he really is in love with you."

He said,looking to her again, his eyes wide.

She shrugged her shoulders, releasing them with an exhale of breath.

"He must be..."

She agreed, her voice painfully quiet.

"So what are you going to do?"

He asked, placing his hands on his hips.

Zoe glanced behind him at the busy ward beyond.

"Work!"

She said.

"As usual."

She added, standing, adjusting her dress and moving to stand before him, waiting for him to move so that she could move passed him. He remained where he was.

"Zoe..."

He cleared his throat, his body blocking her exit.

"As disinterested as I am...don't you think you should perhaps give the poor boy a break?"

He asked. Zoe laughed despite herself.

"_You're _giving _me _relationship advice?!"

She asked incredulously.

"Really?!"

She shook her head and touched her forehead with her fingers.

"What are you doing?"

She asked suddenly as he moved to the right, using his foot to push the door to the office closed.

"What do you want?"

He asked. She frowned.

"It's not a particularly hard question Zoe. What is it that you want? Do you want him, or don't you?"

He asked. His questions took her off guard. She found herself fumbling for something to say. Her mind drew a blank. She had ceased to be able to think about Max without all of the problems...possible problems surrounding their relationship shrouding everything else and blinding her as to what it was that she really wanted, or could really have.

"I don't know..."

She said eventually, and sighed. Disappointed with her own answer.

"Right. Well. If you can't be honest with me then that's fine, it doesn't matter. But at least be honest with yourself, Zoe."

She wished he wouldn't keep saying her name. He stood before her, his presence reminding her of many of her school teachers all morphed into one.

She exhaled loudly and tossed her hands up in the air, helpless.

"I am being honest! I just...don't know."

She placed a hand against her forehead, she felt hot, her head hurt.

"It's quite simple. If you want Mike..."

"Max..."

"Right...if you want Max, go and get him. If you don't..."

He left his sentence unfinished, catching the glint within her eye, the look of the lonely, the lost...

"I sincerely hope you find the dream that satisfies your existence. But in the meantime, _will _you just go and tell that boy that you're madly in love with him and have done with it? I'm fed up of you and your puppy dog eyes, simpering all over the place like a Jane Austen heroine."

**He sighed as he spoke and Zoe tilted her head to one side, regarding him with sudden amusement.**

**"Jane Austen?"**

**She smiled.**

**"Yes."**

**He paused.**

**"****_What?!"_**

**He asked, widening his eyes again and showing the palms of his hands. She shook her head.**

**"Nothing..."**

**She murmured, biting her lips against her smile.**

**"Good. Now."**

**He stepped to one side allowing her access to the door.**

**"Go and find your Mr Darcy."**

****More soon xxx****


	6. Chapter 6

**Zoe walked through the rain and sleet to her car. The day had been busy, and usually she would have been preoccupied with work, but she found herself glimpsing the tell tale burgundy t shirts of porters out of the corner of her eye and every time she did so, before she could realise otherwise, she assumed it to be Max. And when it wasn't him, she felt the pang of disappointment within her stomach.**  
><strong>She unlocked the car, the lights flashed briefly and she lowered her umbrella, folding it neatly and opening the door on the drivers side to drop it into the opposite foot well.<strong>  
><strong>It was then, as she leant against the car that she noticed the carrier bag resting on the bonnet of her car, tilted up so that it was unmissable against the window.<strong>  
><strong>She reached for it, drawing in a breath. She could guess who it was from...<strong>  
><strong>She took hold of it and climbed into the car, pulling the door shut firmly behind her and turning the engine on to warm her hands. <strong>  
><strong>She unfolded the wet plastic and pulled out the contents – a book. She turned it over in her hands: '<strong>**_Orlando' _****by Virginia Woolf. If there was a reference that she was supposed to get...she was missing it. She looked at it, it was hard back, solid black in colour with the title written neatly in gold print across the front.**  
><strong>She opened it, and a piece of paper fluttered from it's pages, coming to a rest on the top of her shoe, she bent down and retrieved it, turned it over and read the words, written in Max's scrawl: '<strong>**_Number five. The greatest love story ever written.'_**  
><strong>He'd written it in red ink, the handwriting spider-danced across the page in the way only his handwriting seemed to do. It matched him, it was indisputably his. She found herself looking at his writing longer than she had meant to, and when she looked up the windows had cleared of steam and she found herself looking directly at the hospital entrance. She flicked off the light above her head and folded the piece of paper back inside the book which she set down on the seat next to her.<strong>  
><strong>How long was he going to keep counting? She wondered as she reversed from the car park.<strong>  
><strong>The drive home, though short, was difficult due to the rain and heavy sleet and hail that wailed about in the wind and dashed across her wind screen as though it may shatter it at any moment. She found herself blinking against it, despite being safely inside the car. <strong>  
><strong>She finally exhaled and her shoulders relaxed as she drew up to her house. The windows loomed in the dark, speckled with white and as she stepped out of the car the heels of her shoes crunched on the ice that was already beginning to form on the ground.<strong>  
><strong>She held her bag tightly against her chest and moved, head bowed against the storm, to the door, holding out the key before her. As she neared the door she tripped over something that made a soft dull rustling noise as she kicked it. <strong>  
><strong>The sleet had now turned into snow, round clusters of it billowed about her, she could taste it on her lips and feel it sting her cheeks and flush against her eyelashes as she bent to pick up whatever it was.<strong>  
><strong>She heaved it into her arms – a box of some sort, something clanked inside and she pushed the key into the lock, relieved to finally be home as she forced open the door, a flurry of warm air greeting her as she flicked on the light and slammed the door shut behind her.<strong>  
><strong>She exhaled, tossed her keys onto the side and slipped off her shoes, being careful not to jolt the box that she held.<strong>  
><strong>"Number six...?"<strong>  
><strong>She murmured to herself with a sigh as she moved with the box into the kitchen where she sat it down on the work surface.<strong>  
><strong>She placed her hands on her hips and looked at it. It was just a normal brown cardboard box, wet from the rain and sagging in places. One corner at the bottom had begun to give way and it was sealed with brow tape which she eventually began to pull off.<strong>  
><strong>As she opened the box the smell of cooling food greeted her, and although she couldn't place what it was, it made her mouth begin to water involuntarily.<strong>  
><strong>She pushed her hands in, the soggy cardboard stuck against her wrists and made her shiver. She pulled out a round Tupperware dish and placed it on the surface next to the box before peering again into it to find a bottle of wine and a smaller Tupperware container which she lined up next to the larger on.<strong>  
><strong>She raised the wine bottle and squinted at it, smiled...he'd remembered...of course he would remember what wine she liked.<strong>  
><strong>She set it down and prized off the lid of the largest container, no mean feat with fingers pinched with the cold and set with frost. It gradually gave way and warm air rose to meet her face. Inside was a china plate – plain white – and on it was arranged dinner for one. Some sort of pasta dish with a sauce that she dipped a finger tip into and touched it against her tongue. Despite being luke warm it tasted beautiful.<strong>  
><strong>She turned to the smaller container, the lid of this one was easier to remove and within she found a cake, presumably home made, it was chocolate, and slightly lopsided, and the icing had begun to run from one edge but set in the top was a heart shaped chewy sweet – the kind you get in bags of Haribo – and next to it a little piece of paper, folded so that it stood up against the side of the Tupperware, and on it said, in the same loose hand writing , 'Number six – because I know you won't eat after such a long day.'<strong>  
><strong>She drew in a breath and looked at the array of food in front of her, she let her hands fall to her sides.<strong>  
><strong>"Oh...fuck."<strong>  
><strong>She breathed.<strong>  
><strong><strong>More soon!<strong>**  
><strong><strong>xxx<strong>**


	7. Chapter 7

**Zoe woke early the next morning, earlier than she usually liked too. It was still dark outside, though it was growing lighter. She could see the silhouette of the trees that tap-tapped against her window pane, distorted and fractured through the thin curtains. She rolled over and pulled the duvet up about her chin, dipping her lips beneath it and breathing out so that her breath warmed her. **  
><strong>A bird chirped noisily, repeatedly calling for it's mate. She pulled the duvet higher over her ears.<strong>  
><strong>Beneath the duvet she was blind, she exhaled, her breath warm and wet in the air about her face.<strong>  
><strong>She thought of dinner last night, of how much she'd enjoyed it, but the guilt that she'd felt whilst taking a fork to the cake meant she had left it half finished on a plate in the sitting room.<strong>  
><strong>She reappeared from beneath the duvet, it became too stuffy and she gulped in the cold air of the bedroom with relief.<strong>  
><strong>She barely knew what to think, couldn't seem to focus her mind on any one thought save the guilt that she felt for not being honest...<strong>  
><strong>The alarm on her phone began it's bleating and she she picked it up, muted it, stared at the screen, her eyes ached from the light of it. She had a message from an unknown number. She hovered her thumb over the 'view', though she could guess who it was.<strong>  
><strong>Max, she recognised the last three digits of the number. She resisted, left the message unopened and placed it back on the bedside table, tossed the duvet from her body and crawled out of bed, her head heavy from the wine, her body shivering from the cold.<strong>  
><strong>She yawned loudly and made her way into the en suite. She yawned again and her eyes watered. She pulled on the light cord and watched herself become illuminated in the mirror in front of her. She exhaled, there was always that little niggle of disappointment upon seeing herself in the mirror first thing in the morning...she suspected the likes of Connie woke up looking much the same as she had the previous day. <strong>  
><strong>Zoe peered at herself, her eyes were rimmed with heavy dark half-moons, and yesterdays mascara smeared from one eye into her hairline, her eyelashes stuck together and her hair was matted on one side, sticking both up and out, and as she reached for the back she felt the knots and tangles there too. Another restless night.<strong>  
><strong>She filled the sink with warm water and splashed her face to wet it, before scrubbing away at yesterdays left over make up. As she raised her face from the sink she heard her phone vibrate against the wood of the bedside table. She pressed her face into a towel to dry it and glanced out into the bedroom, the illuminated phone screen glowing in the dark.<strong>  
><strong>She exhaled, she could see her own breath billow white from her lips.<strong>  
><strong>She gave in, she made her way back into the bedroom, over to the bedside table and picked up the phone.<strong>  
><strong>Junk, just junk. She'd assumed it would be him again. She glanced at the time. It was only just six, she sighed. He wouldn't even be awake yet.<strong>  
><strong>She deleted the junk mail and whilst trying not to think too much about it, she clicked to view Max's message, just the words '<strong>**_Number 7. Because I miss your shoes.' _****no kisses, just those words, she scrolled down, there was a picture that he'd taken of her shoes on his bedroom floor that first night. **  
><strong>She stood, thumb poised over the screen, her shoes, gleaming black, one tipped over. She remembered how quickly she had discarded them, how she'd kicked them them blindly aside whilst pulling him closer to her, kissing him. How he'd tasted of cigarettes, and something just so very 'him'. She inhaled and looked away, she could almost smell him. <strong>  
><strong>She clicked her phone off, set it back down and went to find her hair brush.<strong>  
><strong>-*-<strong>

**The hospital doors wheezed and hissed open and sucked her inside with a belch of warm air. She tugged her bag up higher onto her shoulder as she walked, raising a hand in greeting to Rita whom she glimpsed on the other side of reception. **  
><strong>"Morning."<strong>  
><strong>She paused at reception, Noel swallowed whatever it was that he was chewing and muttered a 'hello' whilst Louise waved a white envelope at her from the other side of reception. <strong>  
><strong>"For you."<strong>  
><strong>She said, placing the phone receiver back in its cradle and leaning across Noel to hand It to her.<strong>  
><strong>Zoe hesitated before taking it.<strong>  
><strong>"What is it?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, and Louise thrust it at her, forcing her to take it.<strong>  
><strong>"I have absolutely no idea."<strong>  
><strong>She said, her voice tinged with sarcasm. <strong>  
><strong>Zoe turned it over in her hand, only her name printed in anonymous handwriting on the front.<strong>  
><strong>"It must have been hand-delivered?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, and both Noel and Louise glanced to one another, Noel shrugged.<strong>  
><strong>"It was just there when we came in."<strong>  
><strong>He said and retrieved a sandwich from beneath the desk that he took another mouthful of.<strong> **"Just where?"**  
><strong>She asked looking again at the hand writing.<strong>  
><strong>"On the desk..."<strong>  
><strong>Louise raised an eyebrow.<strong>  
><strong>"Is everything ok, Zoe?"<strong>  
><strong>Noel asked, watching Zoe finger the envelope as though she feared it may explode.<strong>  
><strong>"Hmm?"<strong>  
><strong>She looked up.<strong>  
><strong>"Fine...I'm fine."<strong>  
><strong>She tucked the envelope into the crook of her arm and stepped back from reception, bumping into Robyn as she moved. She turned, feeling Robyn's hand against her arm.<strong>  
><strong>"Sorry!"<strong>  
><strong>They both spoke at once and Robyn gestured to the doors leading out into the corridor.<strong>  
><strong>"Going this way?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, and Zoe nodded. Robyn pushed open the door, holding it open while Zoe stepped through, both women moving together along the corridor in a stilted silence.<strong>  
><strong>"Robyn..."<strong>  
><strong>Zoe stopped abruptly outside the door to her office and folded her arms, her fingers touching the envelope.<strong>  
><strong>"I just..."<strong>  
><strong>She looked at Robyn's expectant expression, she cleared her throat.<strong>  
><strong>"I heard your brother has left."<strong>  
><strong>She said, wincing with embarrassment as she spoke. She saw the confusion furrow Robyn's brow, saw the arc of an eyebrow, she hadn't been expecting that.<strong>  
><strong>"Uh. Yeah...yes."<strong>  
><strong>Robyn stepped out of the way of a trolley that was wheeled passed and Zoe watched it travel by, wishing she had never bought Max up.<strong>  
><strong>"He's got a job at Tesco's."<strong>  
><strong>Thankfully Robyn offered the information without Zoe having to ask.<strong>  
><strong>"Ah...well, probably less stressful..."<strong>  
><strong>Zoe said, unsure as to why she was continuing this farce of a conversation. Robyn nodded, glancing along the corridor, clearly wishing she was well on her way to somewhere else.<strong>  
><strong>"He hates it, I don't know why he left..."<strong>  
><strong>Robyn said, catching sight of Lofty who was making his way towards them.<strong>  
><strong>"Why who left?"<strong>  
><strong>Lofty asked, coming to a stand still before them.<strong>  
><strong>"Max."<strong>  
><strong>Robyn said, shifting and Lofty nodded.<strong>  
><strong>"Miserable sod."<strong>  
><strong>He murmured and glanced to Zoe.<strong>  
><strong>"Sorry."<strong>  
><strong>He mumbled.<strong>  
><strong>"Why is he miserable?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, and Robyn shrugged her shoulders and expelled an exasperated sigh.<strong>  
><strong>"He's been miserable for weeks. Just mopes about, doesn't really talk, doesn't really eat..."<strong>  
><strong>She began.<strong>  
><strong>"Think he's had his heart broken by a mystery woman."<strong>  
><strong>Lofty cut in, and a look of something flickered through Robyn's eyes, she looked at Zoe, frowned slightly.<strong>  
><strong>"Well! I hope this new job makes him happier."<strong>  
><strong>Zoe spoke quickly, ignoring Robyn's inquisitive stare and she pushed down on the handle of her office door.<strong>  
><strong>"I'd better get on..."<strong>  
><strong>She added, glancing to Lofty who still seemed none the wiser.<strong>  
><strong>She pushed open the door and made to step inside, when once again she felt Robyn's hand upon her arm.<strong>  
><strong>"Just in case anyone needs to know...it's the Tesco Extra on the roundabout..."<strong>  
><strong>Robyn said quietly.<strong>  
><strong><strong>More soon! xxx<strong>**


	8. Chapter 8

**She pushed her finger into the opening at the end of the envelope and ran it along the sealed edge, ripping the paper as she went. Within she could feel something thick and rectangular.**  
><strong>She pulled it out, it was a small booklet stapled together at one end like a set of raffle tickets. <strong>  
><strong>"<em>Number 8: Because I can't give you everything you want, but I can give you everything you need."<em>**  
><strong>She recognised his writing now, he must have disguised his writing on the envelope in case somebody at work should recognise it.<strong>  
><strong>Her thumb picked out the words, felt the dent of the paper where he had pressed, held her hand where his must have been...<strong>  
><strong>She opened the first page and frowned...<strong>  
><strong>"<em>This token entitles Miss. Z. Hanna to 1 reassuring hug from Mr. M. Walker."<em>**  
><strong>She flicked the page...<strong>  
><strong>"<em>...permission to ring at any hour of the night or day to complain about Mrs C. Beauchamp."<em>**  
><strong>She smiled and paused just to look again at his writing, the looseness of it, the curve of it. She smiled again and flicked through a few more pages...<strong>  
><strong>"<em>...2 shoulders to cry on, should you ever need them."<em>**  
><strong>"<em>...1 kiss (friendly or otherwise accepted). Can deliver."<em>**  
><strong>She exhaled, closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. She let the little book of tokens flick shut and placed her hand on top, holding it down. Her stomach churned with a vague nausea and a wincing cramp of what she assumed to be nervousness and that ever-present guilt that she fought so hard against.<strong>  
><strong>She'd made him miserable.<strong>  
><strong>She let her hand fall to the table, her ring knocking loudly against the wood. She felt her eyes prick with tears and she blinked repeatedly to try to quell them. How tempting those shoulders to cry on were now...<strong>  
><strong> The door to the office opened ever so slightly and Tess popped her head in, her hand clasping the door.<strong>  
><strong>"Zoe, there's..."<strong>  
><strong>She paused.<strong>  
><strong>"Zoe?"<strong>  
><strong>She caught the glint of tears within Zoe's eyes and the ever so slight wobble of her lips as she pursed them, desperate to control herself.<strong>  
><strong>"Are you ok?"<strong>  
><strong>Tess asked, moving into the room and closing the door softly behind herself. She made her way over to Zoe, placed a hand on her shoulder and sat down on the edge of the desk that Zoe sat behind.<strong>  
><strong>She nodded, allowing herself an unconvincing smile, she paused, Tess's frown of concern, her hand upon her arm, causing her façade to falter. She shook her head and looked down at the hand that covered the little book of tokens.<strong>  
><strong>"What's that?"<strong>  
><strong>Tess asked, following her gaze to where the edges of the little hand made book poked out from under Zoe's fingers.<strong>  
><strong>Without a word Zoe drew in a long breath, expelled it slowly and moved her hand away so that Tess could reach for the book. She watched as the nurse picked it up and opened it, reading slowly, sometimes re-reading. Her expression remained the same.<strong>  
><strong>"Mr. M. Walker?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked when she eventually looked up, the booklet still between her fingers.<strong>  
><strong>"Max."<strong>  
><strong>Zoe whispered, her voice strained against the lump within her throat.<strong>  
><strong>"Max, Max?"<strong>  
><strong>Tess asked, her eyebrows creeping up towards her hairline.<strong>  
><strong>"Max, Max."<strong>  
><strong>Zoe confirmed, and she sighed again and looked down at her hands, picking at the point of a hang-nail.<strong>  
><strong>"How long has this been going on?"<strong>  
><strong>Tess asked quietly, sliding the booklet back towards Zoe, who crept her fingers over it protectively.<strong>  
><strong>She drew up her shoulders.<strong>  
><strong>"It's not. Not now...not since I left."<strong>  
><strong>She braved looking back up at Tess who sat, wide eyed, though seemingly unphased.<strong>  
><strong>"But he wants to start things up again?"<strong>  
><strong>Tess asked, and Zoe nodded.<strong>  
><strong>"It would appear so."<strong>  
><strong>She whispered.<strong>  
><strong>"Zoe, is this wise?"<strong>  
><strong>Tess asked, and her expression finally changed to that of a friend who knew Zoe's track record better than most, knew her failures, and more importantly knew her weaknesses.<strong>  
><strong>Zoe merely puffed out an puff of air in response, shrugging her shoulders.<strong>  
><strong>"What do you plan on doing?"<strong>  
><strong>Tess asked, quieter this time...kinder.<strong>  
><strong>Zoe narrowed her eyes and looked toward the door to the office.<strong>  
><strong>"I don't know."<strong>  
><strong>She whispered.<strong>  
><strong>"But I can't just leave him counting."<strong>  
><strong><strong>More soon xxx<strong>**


	9. Chapter 9

**The Tesco car park was full. She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel and chewed on the soft flesh of her bottom lip whilst she drove back down the last line of cars for the third time that evening. She veered to the left, passed the supermarket entrance. She caught the flash of someone's lights and saw a blue Skoda begin to reverse from a space. She glanced in her rear view mirror, there was a string of cars behind her. She exhaled, glanced at the 'Mother and Baby' sign above the space that she'd spotted, ignored it, and pulled off, swerving into the space flanked by family cars full of car seats and empty crisp packets.**  
><strong>She parked. The noise of the engine was replaced by the hiss of the rain and the spatter of it across her windscreen.<strong>  
><strong>She looked through the grey blur of it toward the supermarket, glowing yellow in the darkness. She could see bodies moving about through the gaping windows, saw hunched figures run from the covered entrance to their cars, eyes squinted against the rain.<strong>  
><strong>She undid her seat belt, ran a hand over it as it released from her body and swallowed against the acid burn of nervousness at the back of her throat. Again she felt sick. She sighed, and pulled up the hood of her coat. This all felt remarkably similar to the time when she had tried waxing, and couldn't quite bring herself to pull off the strip. <strong>  
><strong>Hopefully the end result wouldn't be so painful this time.<strong>  
><strong>She popped open the car door and stepped out into the rain. She bowed her head, the cold hit her, made her shudder beneath her clothes and the wind whipped against her legs, an empty carrier bag skittered towards her and caught about her shoe so that she had to kick it away, sending it back into the wind.<strong>  
><strong>The car locked with a bleep and a flicker of light. She made her way, arms folded about her waist, to the entrance. The doors were open already open. Two security men stood either side, big burly men with set expressions and receding hairlines.<strong>  
><strong>She straightened her coat and pulled down her hood.<strong>  
><strong>The shop was bigger than she remembered, she rarely shopped for food, and now aisle after aisle of it was set before her. <strong>  
><strong>She tucked her hands into her pockets and set off in a vague attempt to look as though there was a purpose to her meandering. She by-passed the magazines and newspapers, glanced up and down the rows and rows of toys and kitchen appliances and knocked shoulders with various people as she side stepped the mobile phone counter – she had forgotten that Christmas meant it would be busier, more people intent on getting what they wanted.<strong>  
><strong>She stopped for a moment, so many bodies massed about her, her eyes ached from trying to flick quickly over each and every one of them. She raised herself out of her shoes, standing on tip toes in an attempt to look over the crowds, but even then she was still a little bit too short. She cursed her height under her breath and moved away again.<strong>  
><strong>Vegetables, fruit...cheese, she gave a wide birth to the fish counter and stopped again near frozen deserts, she'd glanced down every aisle so far and only seemed to have made it a third of the way down the shop. <strong>  
><strong>She pulled out her phone from her pocket and moved slowly from the deserts into the aisle opposite, a surprisingly quiet aisle dedicated to pet food. She scrolled through her contact list, only to make it to 'M' where she remembered she had deleted his number weeks ago. She clicked the home screen and tapped on her text messages...<strong>  
><strong>"I'd have put you down as more of a Waitrose woman."<strong>  
><strong>A voice behind her made her jump and she fumbled with her phone, feeling it slither from her grasp. <strong>  
><strong>He caught it, and held it out to her.<strong>  
><strong>She turned to him, seeing him for the first time. No more burgundy T-shirt, now the cerulean blue of Tesco, and a wide white name tag with "STEVE" printed on it.<strong>  
><strong>"Thank you."<strong>  
><strong>She took her phone and slipped it into her pocket.<strong>  
><strong>"After work munchies?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked, cocking his head to one side, watching the colour rise to her cheeks, a dusky pink flush only ever visible under the harsh yellow strip lighting of supermarkets, hospitals and the like.<strong>  
><strong>"Hmm?"<strong>  
><strong>She murmured, suddenly she had no idea what she was doing there, or why she had thought it had been a good idea.<strong>  
><strong>"Are you ok?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked, moving to one side, away from a family who pushed two trolleys well stocked with goods.<strong>  
><strong>He seemed too close, she could smell him, and the memory of it made her struggle to breathe.<strong>  
><strong>"I'm just...shopping."<strong>  
><strong>She said flatly, gesturing with a limp toss of her hand. He glanced about them.<strong>  
><strong>"I didn't know you had a dog."<strong>  
><strong>He said quietly. <strong>  
><strong>She frowned and dipped her head from his gaze.<strong>  
><strong>"I took a wrong turn..."<strong>  
><strong>She murmured, and glanced behind herself to the aisle beyond. Baking products...<strong>  
><strong>"And where are you going to put it?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked. She looked at him, bewildered.<strong>  
><strong>"Put what?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, and he smiled. That beautiful even 'Max' smile that made her breath catch again.<strong>  
><strong>"Your shopping. You haven't got a basket...or a trolley..."<strong>  
><strong>He bit his lip, still smiling. <strong>  
><strong>She inhaled sharply. She hadn't thought of that...<strong>  
><strong>"Ok...I didn't come here to shop."<strong>  
><strong>She said eventually, exhaling as she did so and dropping her arms to her sides in defeat.<strong>  
><strong>"I came to find you."<strong>  
><strong>She added quietly.<strong>  
><strong>"Ah."<strong>  
><strong>He said, and nodded slightly, offering nothing else but the glitter of amusement within his eyes.<strong>  
><strong>Zoe shifted, her mind drawing a blank. Now that she was here, and had found him, she was at a loss of what to say.<strong>  
><strong>"Follow me."<strong>  
><strong>He said eventually, and raised an arm to guide her from the aisle.<strong>  
><strong>They moved through the baking aisle where someone was cleaning up a burst sack of flour, and down through the bathroom products where they reached the entrance at the other end of the building. The doors hissed open and Max stepped out into the cold, she followed, a clear glass awning above their heads.<strong>  
><strong>"Why does your name badge say Steve?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, catching sight of it again as he turned, and as his body was illuminated in the glow from the shop she saw the flurry of goosebumps that ran the length of his bare forearms. <strong>  
><strong>He glanced down at his badge.<strong>  
><strong>"They haven't made me one yet, so I'm stuck with this one...Do I look like a Steve?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked, looking at her.<strong>  
><strong>She smiled and shook her head ever so slightly.<strong>  
><strong>"Max...listen..."<strong>  
><strong>She began, faltering, not quite sure what she was going to say.<strong>  
><strong>"I don't really know why I came here...but I knew I had to, because I don't think it's fair to let you go on doing these things when I can't give you what you want..."<strong>  
><strong>She looked down at her hands, to where her fingers interlinked nervously before her. She couldn't bring herself to look up at him.<strong>  
><strong>"Don't worry, just three more days."<strong>  
><strong>He said, and she frowned.<strong>  
><strong>"Until Christmas?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, daring to look up. He shook his head, his smile was gone.<strong>  
><strong>"That too, but no, three more days until I stop counting. Then you'll be free of me."<strong>  
><strong>He said with a shrug.<strong>  
><strong>"I don't understand..."<strong>  
><strong>"The twelve days of Christmas...? It was twelve days until Christmas when I started. Three more days to go. Twelve days of Christmas, twelve reasons why."<strong>  
><strong>He said, his voice soft.<strong>  
><strong>She flicked the ever-present hang nail again.<strong>  
><strong>"Aren't the twelve days of Christmas <strong>**_after _****Christmas?"**  
><strong>She asked slowly and she caught the glimmer of a smile at his lips.<strong>  
><strong>"I couldn't wait that long."<strong>  
><strong>He whispered.<strong>  
><strong>"Besides! It's more romantic this way."<strong>  
><strong>He drew his bottom lip into his mouth, biting down on it and smiling.<strong>  
><strong>"Wait there..."<strong>  
><strong>He added, holding up a finger and slipping back through the double doors without warning.<strong>  
><strong>She stood, waiting in the cold, he'd moved out of sight, but only seconds later he was back, one hand behind his back.<strong>  
><strong>"Close your eyes."<strong>  
><strong>He said, and she raised an eyebrow in suspicion.<strong>  
><strong>"Close them..."<strong>  
><strong>He lowered his voice and she closed them, denying the urge to keep them open slightly, just in case.<strong>  
><strong>She felt him take hold of her right hand. She swallowed hard, he hadn't touched her for so long...<strong>  
><strong>She felt something cold and hard press into her palm and she opened her eyes, looking down at her hand.<strong>  
><strong>"Number nine."<strong>  
><strong>He said, and she turned the chocolate bar over in her hand.<strong>  
><strong>"Why is this a reason to be with you?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, bewildered.<strong>  
><strong>"Because I will always buy you chocolate, and when you tell me that you can't eat it because you need to lose weight, I'll tell you that you're beautiful..."<strong>  
><strong>He let his hand fall from hers.<strong>  
><strong>"Just the way you are."<strong>  
><strong>He added.<strong>  
><strong><strong>More tomorrow...thank you for the lovely messages! Reviews welcome as always! xxx<strong>**


	10. Chapter 10

**She sat still, just looking at it. Her arms folded, her forehead creased, she could feel the tension throbbing between her eyes at the bridge of her nose.**  
><strong>The chocolate bar lay before her on the coffee table, it's wrapper smooth and glossy in the glow of the table lamp. <strong>  
><strong>She glanced at the clock. 2:26AM...<strong>  
><strong>Never before had she had so much trouble debating the fate of a chocolate bar.<strong>  
><strong>She looked again at the time – thought of the little book of tokens that she had in her coat pocket. She found herself thinking over all of the conversations that she had had that day with<strong>******Connie, trying to find something to complain about...after all, he'd said that she could call any time...**  
><strong>Perhaps 2:30AM was too much.<strong>  
><strong>She drew up her knees to her chest and rested her chin against them, her arms wrapped tightly about her shins. She shivered and she could feel a scratch at the back of her throat, and the dull ache behind her eyes – the tell-tale sign of a cold.<strong>  
><strong>She sighed, a quick huff of a sigh that left her feeling even more deflated. She didn't know what to do. All of these things that Max was doing, he was doing to make her feel good, to make her smile, to make her want him...and yet all she felt was guilt, that she couldn't do the same for him, couldn't give him what he wanted. <strong>  
><strong>And at Christmas time too.<strong>  
><strong>She found herself staring again at the chocolate bar. She could feel herself giving in, but reaching for it would be too much like giving in to <strong>**_him_****. And yet she still felt the ache in the very pit of her stomach when he wasn't there, still felt the catch of breath and the flutter of her chest, the flush of her cheeks when she caught sight of him, if only for the briefest of moments.**  
><strong>How she missed those moments, catching sight of him as he turned a corner in the hospital, how he'd toss her a wink, or just a flash of that smile. He always made her feel so...<strong>  
><strong>She frowned, she couldn't think of the word. She pushed her toe against the table, millimetres from the chocolate.<strong>  
><strong>So important...that was almost the right word, she thought. As if, no matter what else was going on, there was nothing that mattered to him more than her, and nothing he wouldn't do to make her happy. <strong>  
><strong>So loved...that was the word. <strong>  
><strong>She drew in a long breath and yawned into the back of her hand. What if she gave in? She looked again to the chocolate. What if she gave into him, and into what she wanted. She could already see the cast of disapproving looks, the comments, the laughter...would she always be a joke? And did it really matter?<strong>  
><strong>She reached out for her phone that lay next to her, retrieving it from where it had slipped between two cushions. She clicked it, the screen illuminated before her and with the tap of her thumb she had Max's message on the screen before her, she hadn't deleted it. Before she could wonder why she had left it, she clicked on the number that showed at the top of it and watched in something resembling blind fear as the number dialled.<strong>  
><strong>It took her a moment to raise the phone to her ear. The noise of it ringing made her jump, her body shivered and she imagined the sound of it waking Max... or perhaps he had it on silent? She almost hung up on the third ring, but the click of him picking up made her pause. She heard a scraping noise and the muffled blur of him swearing before he answered.<strong>  
><strong>"Zoe?"<strong>  
><strong>His voice was laced with the faraway sound of sleep and she heard him yawn silently.<strong>  
><strong>She paused, all she had to do was say something...to say 'yes', to him.<strong>  
><strong>"Why did you swear?"<strong>  
><strong>She found herself asking, that ever-present worry, perhaps 2:43AM really was too late...too early...<strong>  
><strong>She imagined him frowning.<strong>  
><strong>"I had the phone upside down."<strong>  
><strong>He was whispering, and she heard the creak of his bed as he rolled over.<strong>  
><strong>"Are you ok?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked after she failed to say anything else.<strong>  
><strong>"Fine."<strong>  
><strong>She said, too quickly. She closed her eyes. Fuck! Why was this all so difficult?!<strong>  
><strong>"Zoe?"<strong>  
><strong>He spoke again, and the sound of his voice caused a solid lump to form at the back of her throat. She made to speak but felt the hard ache of it and the prick of tears at that began to pool against her eyelids, threatening to overflow.<strong>  
><strong>She tried to speak again but her breath hitched, and she sucked in an involuntary hiccup of air that sounded all too much like a sob of despair. <strong>  
><strong>"Zoe?"<strong>  
><strong>He spoke louder now and she could hear the worry in his voice. He seemed so far away.<strong>  
><strong>"Sorry..."<strong>  
><strong>She managed to whisper, a strained whisper that hurt her throat, and the tears that welled within her eyes began to spill over and she pushed herself back into the sofa, pulling up her knees tighter into her chest, clutching the phone so hard against her ear that it hurt her jaw.<strong>  
><strong>"What's wrong?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked, desperate now, she could hear him moving.<strong>  
><strong>She shook her head, she couldn't speak, and another shuddering sob moaned from her lips.<strong>  
><strong>"Don't cry..."<strong>  
><strong>He whispered. <strong>  
><strong>She sniffed and ran the back of her hand across her nose. <strong>  
><strong>"I miss you so much."<strong>  
><strong>She said, so quietly, just loud enough for him to hear, and she almost heard the twitch of a smile against his lips.<strong>  
><strong>"Well, that's easily solved."<strong>  
><strong>He said, and she laughed through the flurry of tears. <strong>  
><strong>"You know I'll be there as quickly as I can...if you want me to."<strong>  
><strong>He added, apprehension replacing his first wave of relief.<strong>  
><strong>"I want you to."<strong>  
><strong>She whispered.<strong>  
><strong><strong>More soon! xxx<strong>**


	11. Chapter 11

**At 3:00 AM there was a knock at the front door. She jumped, though she knew it was him. **  
><strong>She cleared her throat and, rose from the sofa, making her way to the front door.<strong>  
><strong>She hadn't moved since she had hung up. She couldn't quite believe that she had pressed call, and that he would somehow make his way to her on this sleeting winters night.<strong>  
><strong>She unlocked the door and opened it, holding it against her body.<strong>  
><strong>"Come in."<strong>  
><strong>She said quietly, and the wind bustled him in, his coat flapping about his legs, the collar of it pulled up about his jaw.<strong>  
><strong>"You must be freezing."<strong>  
><strong>She murmured, he had no scarf, no gloves, no hat...<strong>  
><strong>He glanced down at himself.<strong>  
><strong>"I left in a hurry."<strong>  
><strong>He said, and she closed the door.<strong>  
><strong>The wind was locked out now, and the house was once again still and silent.<strong>  
><strong>It seemed odd having him here, standing in her hallway, his face flushed from the cold. After all these weeks of struggling to avoid him, and now here he was.<strong>  
><strong>"Are you ok?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked, breaking the silence. She looked momentarily flustered.<strong>  
><strong>"I must look awful..."<strong>  
><strong>She began, running the side of her index finger beneath her eyes, surely her tears must have smudged her mascara?<strong>  
><strong>He smiled, no jokes, no quick remarks...His fingers paused at the buttons of his coat.<strong>  
><strong>"Shall I take that for you?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, gesturing to his coat. He paused, his eyes narrowed and he looked directly at her so that she found it a struggle to breathe easily.<strong>  
><strong>"Zoe, I just want to make sure that this is what you want...me being here? You seem a bit..."<strong>  
><strong>He gestured with his hand, the words he wanted evading him.<strong>  
><strong>She glanced down at the floor and sucked in a breath, releasing it before she was quite ready.<strong>  
><strong>"I'm not sure that it's my best decision ever, but I'm sure that I want you here."<strong>  
><strong>She said eventually, and glanced up at him again. He nodded slightly.<strong>  
><strong>"I know I said that I wanted you to be sure, for you..."<strong>  
><strong>He hesitated, touched his tongue to his lip and shot a nervous smile in her direction before concluding.<strong>  
><strong>"I really don't want to be hurt any more, Zoe."<strong>  
><strong>He whispered, and he pressed his lips together, his eyes so steady, so serious that she barely recognised him.<strong>  
><strong>She shook her head, the painful throbbing ache returned within her throat and she struggled to swallow.<strong>  
><strong>"I won't."<strong>  
><strong>She promised, her voice little more than a whisper in the quiet.<strong>  
><strong>She saw his chest expand with the breath that he drew in, and watched him slowly exhale before his fingers regained their movement at his coat, undoing each button until he was able to shrug it from his shoulders.<strong>  
><strong>She took it from, briefly touching her fingers against his before she hung it over the banister of the stairway that led up behind her.<strong>  
><strong>"Shall we?"<strong>  
><strong>She asked, tossing a hand in the direction of the sitting room.<strong>  
><strong>He followed her in, she felt her body tense, felt every movement she made become awkward, jerky, and she felt relieved to finally be in the expanse of the sitting room, where the fire burned a brilliant amber, smouldering in the fireplace. <strong>  
><strong>Yet again it seemed so strange to have him here. She found she kept telling herself over and over... Max was really here...Max Walker, this man who's persistence had finally paid off, this man who made her feel so breathless...<strong>  
><strong>"You haven't eaten your chocolate."<strong>  
><strong>He said, breaking her train of thought. She followed his gaze to the unopened bar on the coffee table.<strong>  
><strong>"I was worried..."<strong>  
><strong>She began, and dipped her head, embarrassed.<strong>  
><strong>"Worried?"<strong>  
><strong>He repeated. She smiled.<strong>  
><strong>"That if I ate it, I would be giving in to you...to us..."<strong>  
><strong>She pushed her fingers into the bridge of her nose, closed her eyes, she knew how ridiculous she sounded, and she heard the almost silent breath of his laugh.<strong>  
><strong>"Zoe, it's a chocolate bar not a marriage proposal."<strong>  
><strong>He made his way over to the coffee table – one of his shoes was squeaking - he picked up the chocolate bar and held it out to her.<strong>  
><strong>"If it makes you feel any better, I'll share it with you?"<strong>  
><strong>He asked, and she smiled, the first real smile that she had felt In a long, long time.<strong>  
><strong><strong>More very soon xxx<strong>**  
><strong><strong>Just to answer a question that someone asked: Yes, this (probably) will be ending once Max reaches number 12. There's always the chance that I will get carried away and decide to continue it, but that was the original plan..x<strong>**


	12. Chapter 12

**"I can't quite believe you're here."**

**Zoe said. Her voice was quiet and as she spoke she let herself relax back into the sofa. **

**Max licked the chocolate from his thumb where it had melted whilst he ate it. He looked at her.**

**"Having second thoughts already?"**

**He murmured, rubbing his thumb on the knee of his jeans.**

**She shook her head.**

**"I just can't think of anything to say..."**

**She said, after a moments pause, and she watched him draw in a breath, his chest expanded and he exhaled with a cough and a clear of his throat.**

**"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to."**

**He said. **

**She frowned, there must be something...all these days, weeks, of wanting to see him, to speak to him and now that he was here with her she couldn't think of a single one of those sentences that at the time of their conception had seemed so important.**

**"I am sorry..."**

**She paused and he glanced over at her again.**

**"For how I treated you."**

**He nodded and looked down at where he splayed his hands within his lap, his palms facing upwards.**

**"I know."**

**He said quietly.**

**"You don't have to keep apologising."**

**He added.**

**"I know."**

**She paused. Sighed. **

**"I just..."**

**"Zoe?"**

**He asked, cutting her off.**

**"Mmm?"**

**She murmured. **

**He looked so different, so serious...**

**"You know how much you mean to me. The night you left I told you that I loved you. And these past few days I've been trying to show you that..."**

**He looked down at his hands again, his palms pale in the light from the fire.**

**"I don't just want a fling, I don't just want sex, I want you..."**

**He finally looked back up at her.**

**"But I want you to tell me what you want. You've said you won't hurt me again and I believe you, but I don't want to re-start anything if I'm not certain that we both want the same thing."**

**He concluded.**

**She sat for a moment, unsure what to say. Slightly stunned by his honesty. He suddenly seemed to have grown up, thrown off his boyishness...or had she merely beaten it from him?**

**It was her turn to look down at her hands, her fingers, her ring...she twisted it.**

**"What I want..."**

**She let her words disappear, smiled, shook her head and glanced up at him.**

**"What I want is you."**

**She said.**

**"I've spent so long beating myself up about it. Telling myself that it was ridiculous...that I shouldn't, at my age..."**

**She touched her fingers to her lips.**

**"I just want to be happy. I don't care what everyone at work will say, not really."**

**She added and he smiled.**

**"It'll be fine, I could tell them everything and they wouldn't believe me."**

**He laughed as he spoke.**

**"Will you come back?"**

**She asked quietly.**

**"Come back?"**

**He asked.**

**"To work."**

**She said.**

**"I miss our cigarette breaks...I miss knowing you're there."**

**She whispered the last few words and he smiled that smile that forever made her heart beat that little bit faster.**

**"I don't know if there's a job to come back to."**

**He said and as he spoke he stretched out his legs and leant back against the sofa. She looked at how long he was, how when he leant back the hem of his jumper rose up just ever so slightly to expose a thin strip of flesh about his waist.**

**"I'm sure with your powers of persuasion..."**

**She murmured. **

**"Speaking of work, aren't you going to be exhausted tomorrow...today?"**

**He asked, looking at the time. Even now she would only have a few hours.**

**She followed his gaze.**

**"I haven't been able to sleep properly for days."**

**She said, and as she spoke she yawned and cupped her hand over her mouth.**

**"Come here."**

**He reached out to her with one arm, gesturing to the space next to him. She hesitated, this would seal the deal, she told herself. She looked at him, his blue eyes dark in the half-light, that little space next to him so inviting. **

**She shifted herself across the space in the middle of the sofa and slowly curled herself up in the crook of his arm, resting her head against the flat of his chest, his chin resting on the top of her head. She slipped an arm across his stomach, pushed her fingertips just ever so slightly beneath the hem of his jumper, just to touch him, just to feel he was really there.**

**"Close your eyes."**

**He whispered, and she felt him kiss her hair before she closed her eyes to sleep.  
><strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**Zoe woke slowly, her head hurt from lack of sleep, but the bleeping of her mobile phone alarm was too much to ignore. She opened an eye and reached for it, pressing the button to turn it off without really looking and pushed it further back on the coffee table.**

**Max...**

**She opened both eyes this time and pushed herself up. She shivered, though she noticed the fire had been rebuilt and relit.**

**She heard a noise in the kitchen, and sat herself up, she ran a hand across her face, rubbed the sleep from her eyes and pushed her hair back from her face where it had stuck to her cheek. Had she dribbled on him?**

**She twisted round so that she sat with her back to the arm of the sofa, looking towards the door to the kitchen. **

**She heard him whistle the first few notes of the Indiana Jones theme music before he stopped, and she heard the clink of a spoon against the sides of a mug and the scrape of something on the work surface. **

**Then he moved, she heard his footsteps and he appeared in the doorway.**

**"Good morning Dr Hanna."**

**He said, far too cheery for the hour, though she forgave him as soon as he smiled that smile...**

**"I made you breakfast."**

**He said, and placed the plate of toast and mug of black coffee down on the coffee table.**

**"You know you might want to think about buying some ****_actual _****food."**

**He added, and moved quickly back into the kitchen to retrieve his own mug.**

**The sofa dipped and creaked and he sat down next to her. Instinctively she pushed her bare toes beneath his thighs to warm them like she used to. Whether he noticed or not and chose to ignore it she didn't know, but she caught the ever-so-slight flutter of a smile at his lips as he dipped his face to sip his coffee.**

**She reached for the plate of toast and set it in her lap, taking a slice before offering it out to him. **

**She yawned, and he took a slice for himself.**

**"Thank you, for this."**

**She said, her voice soft with sleep.**

**"That's ok."**

**He murmured, and swallowed his mouthful of toast.**

**"I thought I could come in with you? Speak to the powers that be about getting my old job back? I don't think my purpose in life is to stack shelves..."**

**He watched her as he spoke, saw the faint wince of panic behind her eyes.**

**He smiled.**

**"Or not!"**

**He added.**

**She cleared her throat and touched her fingers to her lips to brush away any crumbs before she answered.**

**"No, it's fine. That's fine..."**

**She said quickly.**

**"So why did you look so terrified?"**

**He asked, and finished off his slice of toast.**

**"Habit?"**

**She said quietly and shrugged.**

**"I'm just not looking forward to being outed."**

**She added. **

**"The quicker the better."**

**He said.**

**"Like pulling off a plaster. You never know, it might be like a said, they might just think I'm making it up."**

**He smiled again and she laughed.**

**"Well, we'll just have to show them then."**

**She whispered and shifted herself forwards so that she could lean against her knees and pull herself close enough to him to place a soft kiss against his cheek that froze, his mouth full of coffee.**

**She moved back and he swallowed.**

**"I think we'll have to be a bit more convincing than a kiss on the cheek."**

**He said gently and turned so that he could look at her, saw the colour rise in her cheeks and her hair slip from behind her ear to rest against her jaw.**

**"What did you have in mind?"**

**She asked.**

**He raised a hand to push the errant hair back, and she closed her eyes as he touched her, feeling his fingertips brush her cheek.**

**"Just something a little bit more..."**

**He whispered, his breath against her face, and he moved, nudged the tip of her nose with his, smiled, and kissed her lips gently, once, twice...**

**"Like that."**

**He murmured.**

****More later today xxx****


	14. Chapter 14

**They neared the hospital. They slowed, the car pulling to a halt at the lights.**

**"Just stop over there for a second."**

**Max gestured to the lay by opposite, just on the other side of the lights.**

**"Why?"**

**She asked, barely having time to question before the lights changed to green and she had to pull away again, only to pull directly into the lay by. She stopped the car.**

**"Why?"**

**She asked again, and watched as he unclipped his seat belt and opened his side door. They were only seconds from the hospital. They could see the car park from where they were.**

**"What are you doing?!"**

**She asked, and he leaned into her and kissed her quickly.**

**"Number ten."**

**He said.**

**"Because I won't make you do anything before you're ready."**

**And with that he opened the door and stepped out into the cold.**

**"Max...?"**

**She called after him, he paused, one hand on the door.**

**"You don't have to keep counting..."**

**She said, and he smiled slowly.**

**"But number eleven's a good one."**

**He said and began to close the door, but she called his name again before he'd quite closed it. He leant against the car, leaning down to her.**

**"I love you."**

**She said, so quietly, her breath billowing white as it left her lips.**

**"I know."**

**He whispered, and winked quickly before stepping back, his shoes crunching on the ice beneath his feet.**

**He closed the door, watching her smile, watching her remember that night when their roles had been reversed.**

**She waited for a moment, allowing him a head start. She watched him as he went, head bowed against the wind, hands pushed into his pockets as he followed the path along to the crossing.**

**She smiled to herself, she couldn't quite contain the bubble of excitement that she felt. She was his.**

**When she could no longer see him she pulled out of the lay by and back onto the road, following the path he had taken, if she glanced to her right she could see his footsteps in the faint scattering of snow.**

**She paused at the crossing where a family crossed pushing a double push chair. She wondered if Max wanted children... as soon as she'd thought the thought she pushed it firmly from her mind.**

**They passed by safely and she pulled off again and into the hospital car park, into her space next to Connie's car.**

**She stepped out, glanced towards the entrance, just catching the quick flash of him disappearing through the double doors of the ED.**

**She locked the car and followed him in, the over head heating made her shiver as she passed through the entrance and into reception.**

**"Dr Hanna!"**

**She raised a hand to Noel who greeted her from a distance. Louise leant over the counter to her.**

**"Have you seen who's back?"**

**She asked, and nodded to the opposite end of reception where Max stood, speaking to an elderly porter she didn't recognise.**

**Max caught her eye over the other man's shoulder, smiled quickly and looked back at him, nodding, their conversation coming to an end.**

**"You're back then?"**

**Louise asked as the man Max had been speaking to shuffled off in the direction of the staff room and Max stretched himself over the reception desk to reach for a box of name tags.**

**"I'm back."**

**He confirmed, placing the box on the desk and sifting through them.**

**"That was quick."**

**Zoe murmured, and all three looked up at her.**

**"What was quick?"**

**Asked Noel. **

**Zoe faltered and looked to Max.**

**"Yeah..."**

**He raised a hand to rub the back of his neck.**

**"Stacking shelves and sitting at a check out wasn't really my thing."**

**He said, attempting a change of subject.**

**Louise raised an eyebrow.**

**"Shame."**

**She murmured and began stacking a pile of papers and Max fished out the name badge that read his name and slipped his hand along the edge of reception as he made his way over to Zoe.**

**"Nice to be wanted."**

**He said loudly, glancing back to Louise who rolled her eyes.**

**"It is a shame."**

**Zoe said quietly as they began to move off together, through the doors into the ED.**

**"Why's that?"**

**Max asked, holding the door open for her.**

**"I was looking forward to having you check me out next time I visited Tesco."**

**She said, and moved off ahead of him.**

****More soon! Thank you for the lovely comments and reviews. I was planning on finishing this story when Max gets to the number 12. I've had so many nice messages asking me to continue...I'm not really sure where I would take the story if I did continue (and requests?!) I will have a think about it :) xxx****


	15. Chapter 15

**Zoe sat at her desk, a take away cup of coffee paused mid way to her mouth as she typed one-handed with the other, quickly replying to as many emails as she could before she was due in theatre.**

**Her mobile vibrated on the desk and illuminated by her elbow. She glanced at it. Max's name appeared across the screen, the message scrolling up. She set the coffee down and clicked the message.**

**"****_Turn on hospital radio. M x"_**

**She glanced back at the laptop, if she could get this email sent she would be done, she made to begin typing again but her phone made another rumble across the desk. **

**Max...**

**"****_Quickly."_**

**She smiled. He knew her far too well.**

**She typed in the website address for the hospital radio into the laptop, ignoring the unsent email and clicked to begin listening.**

**She heard Noel's voice, she turned the volume up and leant back in the chair, taking up her cup of coffee again and sipping it, it was luke warm and tasted bitter.**

**"And now we have a unique request from an anonymous listener. This is a song for our very own Dr Hanna, and the message is..."**

**Noel's voice sounded muffled and there was the rustle of paper as his voice came across the ether.**

**"Number 11. Because I remember the important things."**

**Noel said, his voice stilted, she could imagine him frowning at the piece of paper.**

**"Dr Hanna I hope you're listening and I hope you know what that means...because we have no idea!"**

**Noel said, and Zoe smiled and a song began to play. **

**She recognised the music, what was it? She couldn't place it, and when the lyrics began she vaguely recognised the voice too, but she couldn't make out the words. **

**She turned the volume up again, and all of a sudden she realised what she was listening to, she remembered what he'd said that day when she'd struggled about on her heels as a porter. **

**_I can sing 'Hey Jude' in Spanish..._**

**She pressed her fingers to her lips, wanting to laugh, but not wanting to miss it. She smiled, her cheeks ached.**

**"I love you..."**

**She whispered as the song came to an end and there was a rhythmic tap on her door.**

**"Come in?"**

**She called, and the door opened slowly to reveal Robyn who stood in the door frame, her face flushed, and Lofty who stood next to her looking as though he would much rather be somewhere else.**

**"Everything alright?"**

**Zoe asked, standing, reaching out and lowering the volume of the radio as Noel's voice reappeared.**

**Robyn watched her, looked down at the laptop.**

**"I was just.."**

**"Are you sleeping with my brother?"**

**She asked all at once, cutting Zoe off and inhaling a gasp of breath.**

**"I thought we were going to be tactful...?"**

**Lofty murmured, his eyes widening as Zoe looked between the two of them.**

**"Excuse me?!"**

**She asked, and she caught sight of Max in the distance behind them, she stood up straight, hoping he would notice, willing him to look up...**

**"It's just we heard the radio show..."**

**Lofty began, and Robyn, regaining the power of speech, though her face was blotched with embarrassment, managed to continue.**

**"I've heard Max in the shower...he's the only person in the world who would bother to learn Hey Jude in Spanish."**

**She said quietly, clearly fit to burst, desperate to know...**

**She glanced again at Max who was nearing her office and as she did so he looked up. She widened her eyes at him and he pulled a face, noting the backs of his sister and Lofty. **

**He quickened his pace and before anyone had the chance to speak again he draped his arms over the shoulders of Robyn and Lofty and leant between them.**

**"Alright?"**

**He asked, and Robyn wafted a hand in his face.**

**"You stink of cigarettes."**

**She said, screwing up her nose and pushing him away. **

**He stood up straight and ushered them in, closing the door behind him.**

**"What did you do that for?"**

**Lofty asked, and Max glanced back at the door.**

**"I had a feeling that this might be one of those 'closed door' conversations."**

**He said after a moments thought.**

**"So you are sleeping with him."**

**Robyn said, looking at Zoe pointedly who opened her mouth to speak but found no words to say.**

**"Uh..well, sleeping with me would imply a short term thing...a fling or casual relationship..."**

**Max began, fumbling his way through the sentence as both Robyn and Lofty stared at him, eyes wide, waiting for whatever it was that he was trying to say.**

**"This is...I mean..."**

**"What I hope Max is trying to say is that we ****_are _****in a relationship..."**

**Zoe continued for him, and he held out a hand, gesturing with relief.**

**"Yes! A mature...adult relationship."**

**He added when Robyn tossed him a look.**

**"But we'd appreciate it if this wasn't spread about the hospital just yet."**

**Zoe said, and Lofty nodded whilst Robyn still stared at her brother, amusement twitching her lips.**

**"Won't say a word."**

**Lofty said, and pressed a hand to Robyn's forearm.**

**"We'll just..."**

**Robyn gestured towards the door and Lofty opened it, holding it open for her.**

**"Sorry..."**

**He mumbled as they slipped through.**

**The door closed behind them with a soft click.**

**"She's going to tell everybody isn't she."**

**Zoe said, watching how quickly Robyn moved off across the ward through the glass in the door.**

**Max followed her gaze.**

**"Probably gone to find her mega phone."**

**He said.**

****More soon! xxx****


	16. Chapter 16

**"It's Christmas Eve."**

**Zoe whispered to herself****, standing in reception, watching an electrician who was re-fitting one of the strip lights above the main entrance.**

**"Well spotted."**

**Max murmured, leaning into her as he parked an empty wheelchair.**

**She glanced to him.**

**"It's Christmas day in less than twenty minutes."**

**She said.**

**"It's quiet."**

**She added, and they both looked out at the empty chairs that littered the waiting area – only a hand full of patients scattered about.**

**"Does that mean you'll finish on time?"**

**He asked, letting go of the wheelchair, standing up and leaning against her, folding his arms. She felt the warmth of his body against her, the smell of him making her smile.**

**"Who knows."**

**She murmured, glancing to him, his face, his lips so temptingly close.**

**"Why, have you got something planned?"**

**She asked, he leant closer his breath against her.**

**"Number 12."**

**He whispered.**

**"Mmm? And what's that?"**

**She asked, just barely resisting the temptation to kiss him.**

**"Well, you'll have to come to mine in the morning...when you've finished..."**

**He whispered, she raised an eyebrow, pursing her lips into a smile.**

**"You're expecting me to cancel my plans for Christmas day...?"**

**She asked slowly, still smiling. He nodded.**

**"I'm taking a chance on love."**

**He winked extravagantly and she laughed, and bit the soft flesh of her bottom lip.**

**"You're thinking about kissing me aren't you."**

**He said in a whisper so quiet that it was barely a breath.**

**She flushed, laughed a silent expel of air and dipped her head.**

**"Dare you to."**

**He murmured, so close...**

**"What?!"**

**"Dare you to kiss me, right here..."**

**She looked up at him, met his gaze, felt the press of his body against her own, felt the ever so slight slip of his fingers between hers, hidden by their closeness.**

**She leant forwards, closed the gap, touched her lips to his and felt him smile as he kissed her back, just a brief, soft kiss that made her pulse quicken.**

**"Excuse me, but these people are already ill, we don't want to make them feel any worse..."**

**Louise spoke from behind reception, her arms folded tightly across her chest, one eyebrow raised as she eyed the two of them who leant against her desk.**

**Zoe pulled away, raising her fingers to touch at her lips.**

**Max turned, sprawling his upper body across the desk, his head propped up on his fist.**

**"Jealous?"**

**He asked, his eyes glittering with amusement as Louise screwed up her face in disgust.**

**He grinned and let himself slip back from the desk, turning back to Zoe who was watching as Tess passed them by, glancing between the two of them with a look of disapproval.**

**Zoe inhaled and reached for his hand.**

**"And so it begins."**

**She whispered.**

**Christmas day dawned in a flurry of cold grey wind and short sharp scatterings of hail and snow. **

**Zoe caught the very beginning of the day, standing in her office looking out of the small window, watching the trees whip and sway and the sun glow white behind pregnant clouds that dimpled and rolled across the sky and a small white aeroplane droned through the sky like a bumblebee.**

**She opened the window slightly, let the bitter cold air billow in, stealing her breath and making her shiver. **

**She yawned against the back of her hand and leant against the windowsill, looking out, passed the hospital, the trees to the city beyond the haze of steam that rose from the kitchens opposite. **

**She imagined Max at home, in bed after his shift. She imagined him waking up alone and wishing she were there with him.**

**There was a knock and before she could say a word she heard the creak of her door open. She turned.**

**Dylan. She sighed...smiled...**

**"What! I knocked..."**

**He looked at her, eyes wide.**

**"You're supposed to wait until I say 'come in'."**

**She smiled again and he glanced back to the door behind him.**

**"Would you prefer it if I started again or can I just say Merry Christmas and have done with it?"**

**He asked and she drew in a breath and exhaled, turning away from the window.**

**"You can say it."**

**She whispered and he placed his hands on his hips.**

**"Well, you've spoiled it now..."**

**He said, and as he spoke she moved over to him and pulled him into a hug.**

**"What...what are you doing?"**

**She felt him stiffen.**

**"I needed a hug."**

**She said, her words muffled against his shirt. **

**He patted her awkwardly on the back with one hand until she let him go.**

**He cleared his throat.**

**"I heard you and..."**

**"Max..."**

**"I heard you and Max have become hospital hot gossip."**

**He said. She nodded slowly.**

**"Mmm. I'm on my way there now."**

**She said quietly.**

**"Ah...well, I won't keep you."**

**He glanced back toward the door, reaching out and placing a hand on the door knob.**

**"Merry Christmas, Zoe."**

**He said, before he turned the handle.**

**She smiled.**

**"Merry Christmas."**

**She whispered, and he slipped from the room, closing the door gently behind himself.**

**She drew in a breath and looked down at herself. Her dress would do...She tucked her hair behind her ears and removed her stethoscope, placing it down on the desk where it would wait for the next few days.**

**She exhaled a breath, it billowed white before her lips. Why was she so nervous?**

**She made her way to the door, taking her coat from the hook on the back of it and slipping it on, buttoning it up tightly and making her way out onto the ward, passing by the cubicles, the nurses station, calling in response to the various Christmas greetings that followed her out into reception and finally, finally, out into the snow.**

**The air felt full of possibility, it caught in her chest and made her throat wince against the chill.**

**The car journey to Max's was short, and as she pulled up in the drive to the student house she realised it wouldn't just be Max, it would, she presumed, be Robyn...perhaps Lofty...perhaps any other friends or members of staff that they had invited. **

**She was the outsider, she realised as she stepped onto the gravel and closed the car door with a soft bang. She pushed her hands into her pockets and looked up at the building before her.**

**The door opened as she stood there, Max held it, standing still, framed in the doorway.**

**"You came."**

**He said, his breath white and she felt the flurry of warm air that began to filter out from the house.**

**She smiled slightly, still that ache of nervousness.**

**"I came."**

**She said.**

**He reached out a hand for her, which she took, allowing him to steady her as her heels met the ice that had formed on the steps up to his door.**

**"The last time I was here..."**

**She began and he glanced back at her. She hadn't seen much of the house itself...**

**"Where is everyone?"**

**She asked as he led her into the small kitchen. She could smell something cooking.**

**"Everyone?"**

**He asked.**

**"Robyn...Lofty?"**

**He shrugged.**

**"They're both spending the day with family."**

**He said, and she watched as he peered into a saucepan.**

**"And you're not?"**

**She asked and caught the flicker of something behind his eyes.**

**"Drink?"**

**He asked, and held up a bottle of something.**

**"Please."**

**She said, and began unbuttoning her coat. **

**He poured the wine into a glass and placed it on the table in front of her before reaching out to take her coat, hanging it over the back of one of the chairs.**

**"What're you cooking?"**

**She asked, reaching for her glass and taking a sip. The taste of it, the warmth of it in her throat making her sigh contentedly.**

**"Christmas dinner!"**

**He laughed as he spoke and placed the lid back on top of one of the saucepans.**

**"What if I hadn't come?"**

**She asked quietly. He drew up his shoulders again and rolled a wooden spoon between his hands.**

**"Like I said last night, I was taking a chance..."**

**He glanced to her.**

**"And I was pretty sure you would come."**

**He added.**

**"Merry Christmas by the way."**

**He nudged her with the end of the spoon and she smiled.**

**"Merry Christmas to you too..."**

**She whispered.**

**He set the spoon back down on the surface, unused and turned to her, reaching out to her and taking her by the hands.**

**"So, is this number twelve?"**

**She asked, her voice low, and he shook his head gently. His blue eyes looked brighter than they had done for months, his face was flushed from the heat from the oven and his jumper was flecked with flour.**

**"No."**

**He said simply.**

**"Number 12? My last reason?"**

**He asked and she watched him, waiting...**

**"Because I love you."**

**He said, and he grinned slowly, teasing... **

**She raised an eyebrow.**

**"Ah...Is that it? I thought you'd have something mind-blowing planned for number 12."**

**She murmured and he blew a puff of air from his lips and narrowed his eyes, releasing his grip on her so that he could push a hand into the pocket of his jeans.**

**"Well, there is this..."**

**He said, and drew out a small black velvet box from and held it out to her,opening it to show the glint of a ring.**

**"Number 12."**

**He said, holding it before her, his fingers trembling.**

"Because I love you."

He said again.

**"Always have, always will."**

****The End.****

****Thank you so much for all of the lovely messages and reviews! Keep a look out for updates on my other stories, and now that I've finished this I will begin work on my new Zoe and Max idea (I will post when happy with the first instalment.)  
>xxx<strong>**


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